Unseasonably warm November temperatures have sent a wave through the hunting community across the midwest— a wave of bare, pale, middle-aged asses.
With daily high’s being roughly 155% warmer than normal, this high pressure system has greatly affected the behavior of not only the sought after Whitetail Deer, but also the hunters chasing after them.
There has been a sudden and strong uptick in the amount of naked individuals seen on camera trudging through the woods. Okayest Hunter’s team of social scientists has concluded this to be caused by the sun being “too damn hot” and the general hunting populace being “out of shape and profusely sweaty”.
We were able to speak with an avid hunter, and get a better understanding into why this is happening.
Richard Jozwiak, 57, of Amery, Wisconsin was quoted as saying, “Well, you know, when the [Whitetails] stop moving in the heat, you’ve gotta go find where they’re at. That’s why you’re seeing all these hunters on trail cams.”
When asked to elaborate on why these individuals were naked, he told us, “You get out here at 4:00 AM when it’s cold, by the time it’s 10:30, you’re gonna be baking like a loaf of beer bread on chili night. Sometimes that means you gotta let some air in the derriere, you know.”
Experts predict that the cold front that followed this heat wave will control the nudity problem, as men are less likely to be publicly naked in the cold, due to the biological phenomenon known as “shrinkage”.
As hunting season progresses, remember to stay safe, and when it’s hot, keep in mind that 2-point bucks aren’t the only “spikes” you’ll see in the woods.